If one more person tells me that “every mom goes through this” one more time I think I’ll go into a full meltdown. Audra starts going to daycare next week and I’ll be returning to my full time job. Nope, I’m definitely not a happy camper. In fact, if I could find a way to stay home with her I most certainly would do that. The lady who is taking Audra is WONDERFUL, please don’t get me mistaken. We are very lucky to have her, but I still feel as if she’s getting to love and raise my child. I’m still Mom, but a little less in the picture.
I detest the idea of someone else watching her reach her milestones while I’m busy bringing in a steady income. One income couldn’t support this home. Trust me, we worked and reworked a budget a hundred times over, but alas- I go back to work.
So it’s awfully tempting to start ranting and raving about our society- how it keeps moms who want to stay home to be a full time mom from staying home. It’s expensive to support just an apartment- let alone a mortgage. How could we put food on the table and keep the lights on? Instead I’m unwillingly forking up close to ten thousand dollars a year to someone else doing MY JOB. I work to contribute only “a little” to our household after figuring in the childcare cost.
Heartbroken is a massive understatement. I know it’s good for me to get out of the house…blah blah blah. I also know it’s great for her to make friends. However, nothing forces me to stay inside all day if I stay at home with her and wouldn’t it be my job to make sure she plays with other kids? I’d have the time to do it.
Instead, I’ve been selfishly spending all my maternity leave days with her knowing this is my last chance to get this much time off with her. I don’t share her because in just a few days I’ll have no choice.
And that’s just sad.